“He had every reason to give up on human beings and he never did.” -Lynn Coady on Kurt Vonnegut
The stages of a common mood cycle of mine:
- A new venture is undertaken; initial action is full of enthusiasm and interest
- At some point, a difficult obstacle manifests
- A hesitant retreat, ostensibly to think more about how to deal with it
- General ambivalence about ability to overcome obstacle
- General ambivalence about life, why am I so incompetent at everything
- The “fuck it” stage: I don’t give a shit anymore
- Fuck you, obstacle! I am going to destroy you if it kills me!
That’s how it is. Fits and spurts. I think most people reverse stages 9 and 8. However, in my case, not caring for awhile usually results in me caring a lot later on, whereupon I swerve my gaze-of-Sauron back on the initial problem after pretending it didn’t exist. And then there is renewed fury and fervor, and finally, miracle of miracles, usually some degree of progress.
I’m not sure if there’s any way I can avoid steps 3-8.