“Foolish modesty lags behind while brazen impudence goes forth and eats the pudding.” – Eleanor Brackenridge

A rejected wedding gown from the weekend

“Foolish modesty lags behind while brazen impudence goes forth and eats the pudding.” – Eleanor Brackenridge

Okay. So, I’d been told stories before about it. I’d always (impudently) brushed them off–couldn’t be completely true, I told myself. When the time comes, I can handle it. I’ve got a college degree, graduate degree, and a year of 60+ hour workweeks behind me. What can’t I handle?

And the time has come, and I am handling it…something akin to a puppy trying to take down a moose on her own. Wedding planning. It is as much a crazy, foaming-at-the-mouth moose as everyone warned that it would be.

I knew that an elopement was never in the cards (I’m an only, Carter’s family is v. traditional), so we got off to a flying start with pinning down venue, photographer, makeup artist, and coordinator within a month of engagement. And now, I am slogging through it. Decision fatigue is hitting me. I don’t want to really do it anymore.

But now some of the more aesthetic decisions are coming up, and I’m in charge of those more than Carter is. Wedding gown, bridesmaid dresses, colors, flowers, invitations, etc. I feel like I’m losing my mind a little bit. There are too many damn options, and the sheer multitude of options puts a strange hot pressure on me to make my wedding reflect “us”…what does that even mean? Anyway, I am fluctuating between total apathy and total internet-shredding bridezilla-ing.

I’m trying to rustle up some strength for this next round of decisions (the dress! the dress! the dress!). Upon reflection, I think here I need to keep in mind to carry me through this:

  1. Assertiveness. I am not by nature a terrifically assertive person. On most decisions, I tend towards apathy–I can make almost anything work for me. There are a few things, however, that I care a great deal about. Caring a lot + natural passivity = a bad bad time in wedding planning world. So far wedding planning has forced me to increase my assertiveness and decisiveness, such as rejecting a photographer that I loved but was wrong for us, and choosing a venue that wasn’t everything I wanted but was most things I wanted. Negotiating with/choosing catering companies and other vendors has pushed me to be more direct and forceful than I’m accustomed to being, which is overall a good thing. I guess. I don’t like it though.
  2. People pleasing: I need to keep this under control. In group work situations in the past I’ve been the diplomatic one–something of an assuager of sore feelings and a cushion between the more dynamic personalities on a team. This is good sometimes but other times my own wants get trampled on a bit. This is a bad remnant of my childhood. In negotiations with vendors now, I catch myself when I am trying to make things easier for them. No. That’s not what these business relationships are about.
  3. The end in sight! The point is to get married in a nice place with family and friends. Everything else is secondary.

We’ll see if this sticks…


One thought on ““Foolish modesty lags behind while brazen impudence goes forth and eats the pudding.” – Eleanor Brackenridge

  1. I hear you!!! I remember freaking out on the phone about tablecloth color and hearing myself and going, “What is going on here?!” Good luck to you — and hit me up for help/feedback where needed. 🙂

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